How to get over the pain of rejection

Yes, it hurts. A lot. Rejection in any form, be it from a lover or a friend, rejected from being part of a group in office or rejected by family members can cause a lot of pain. No matter what the reason for non-inclusion or rejection may be or of what nature, it can have a very deep impact on the person who is subjected to it. Among the many speculations surrounding the untimely death of the 34-year-old talented actor Sushant Singh Rajput, one that sounds alarming is his story of rejection from the ‘insiders’ or the ‘influential’ people of Bollywood. Just after his news of suicide reached far and wide and people came to know about his depression, many theories of how he was treated as an ‘outsider’ by some established people of Bollywood started surfacing. Rumours about how rejection by a selected few of the film industry caused ‘systematic dismantling’ of his ‘fragile mind’ and pushed him into depression not only brought to light how rejection can cause mental agony but showed how it can make people take extreme steps.
In fact, studies have proved that rejection not only causes emotional and psychological pain, but this pain is as intense as any other physical pain in its severity. A study published in the ‘Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences’ proved the co-relation between physical and emotional pain of rejection through a very clever study. It was observed from the experience of the participants how the physical pain of hot coffee spilling on their arm was of the same intensity to the pain they felt on seeing the picture of an ex-lover after a painful break-up.
The pain of rejection is such that it can push a person to do the unthinkable. And it is therefore very important that we learn how to handle the pain of rejection and come out of it without any self-harm. Here are a few steps that can help a person to deal with rejection in a mature way.
Build your self-confidence
Have you ever wondered what part of our psyche gets affected by, rejection the most? It’s none other than self-confidence. When a person is rejected by a lover, or the system he so dearly wants to be a part of, the first thing he questions is his self-worth. Was I rejected because I am not good? Was I rejected because I didn’t fit the role? Such questions start haunting the mind of the victim and affect his self-confidence severely. Under no circumstances, should a person let rejection hurt his self-confidence or self-worth. He should remember everything happens for a reason and there is something better waiting for him. We all are unique in our own ways and any person or system who tries to demean or devalue us is not worth our attention.
Try to look at the positive side
Sometimes we are deeply affected by rejection because we end up evaluating the situation in a negative way. For example, a person might think being rejected by a lover is the end of his world. What if the break-up didn’t happen and they were stuck in a loveless relationship? So, the break-up can be a blessing in disguise. Another rejection that hurts a person is being shunned by co-workers and not being included in core activities. He might feel dejected and depressed for such a treatment. What if the colleagues are mean to him because they are jealous of him? So, instead of being friends with someone who is jealous of you, isn’t it better to maintain a safe distance? Being excluded or rejected by vengeful colleagues will only give him a better opportunity to concentrate more on work, right? Every situation, or in this case, rejection, has a silver lining. We only need to train our mind to find that lining of hope.

Seek help when you need

Sometimes we underestimate the power of advice from a third person. Rejection can make a person wallow in self-pity, which often leads him to respond impulsively to his emotions. A lot of times, a victim of rejection finds it very difficult to express or address his pain and sufferings; this leads to pent up emotions that can affect his mental health adversely. It is therefore very important to seek the help of a counselor or a trusted confidante when you feel that you are unable to handle rejection. There no shame in seeking help and talking to a third person and sharing your feelings can help you unburden your emotional luggage and pain caused by rejection.

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