We all have, at some point in our life, come across the phrase ‘a mother’s instinct’. Whether science agrees to it or not, all mothers possess this innate ability to feel something extra for her child’s welfare; it is the same power that gives her some uncanny knowledge about anything related to her child. A mother’s wisdom and unconditional love remain unchallenged. All these powers combined with the fact that she is the creator of life makes it all the more important that a mother’s advice should not be ignored, at least that’s what we have grown up believing. And, of course, how can we forget that she is our first caregiver, teacher and guide. No wonder, we run to our mother at the first opportunity of failure, heartbreak, or when we fail to bake a cake properly. She is the one to notice the dark circles around her child’s eyes because she nursed a broken heart the whole night, she knows when her little girl is ready to leave the nest or when the daughter needs her mother’s shoulder to cry on after becoming a mother herself but has no idea how to be a mother!
So when we are about to take one of the most important decisions of our life, how can we not take her advice, right? On this Mother’s Day, we asked a few women about the best piece of marital advice they had received from their mother. Here’s their story.
Never go to sleep without resolving a fight
Rupalim Mahanta, a Marcom consultant by profession and currently a stay at home mother by choice, never takes any advice without a pinch of salt. So, when her mother poured gallons of advice into her ears when she got married, Rupalim took into consideration only those which she believed were wise. “Some were outrightly rejected like, always put a lot of vermilion on your forehead. However, quite a few pieces of advice were accepted wholeheartedly, and to my utter surprise and happiness have worked out beautifully to keep my married life joyfully safe and emotionally secured,” said the mother of two, adding, “My mother had told me to talk things out and never to go to sleep without resolving a fight. According to her, it’s always best when spouses do not treat each other as opponents in their arguments, rather as the players from the same side who have one common objective, the greater good of both of them in the marriage.”
Her mother’s word of wisdom actually took some time to convince the young Rupalim who was then a little headstrong and aggressive. Eventually, over time, she understood the importance of her mother’s words and complied. “My mother also told me about the importance of respect in a marriage. The best outcomes are those where differences are sorted out through mutual trust that both you and your husband wants the best for each other. And whatever the mood is, it’s imperative to remember that though love and care are common factors that bind this relationship, respect for one another is the ultimate foundation which is the absolute necessity. So, always, always, make sure you do things which do not take away the respect you have for one another.”
“My mother’s principles have surely kept her marriage super happy, and I, her loving daughter, wishes to have the same fate, with all my heart! So far, so good,” said Rupalim with a smile.
The importance of being self-reliant
In today’s world, when both the partners are working professionals, it sometimes becomes very difficult to strike the perfect balance between work and personal life. This is a classic modern dilemma that can tear apart even the happiest of marriages. Neena Baruah too faced this problem after marriage. A government official by profession, Neena greatly missed her husband, who was working as a professor in a central university in another state. And her dilemma grew even worse after the birth of her child and there was a moment when she was seriously contemplating leaving her secure job to be with her husband. It was then she sought her mother’s opinion. “I can still remember her words clearly. She told me that life, no matter how we plan or decide, will always take its own course. What is more important is we should have this power to make decisions and we, especially women, can do that when we are self-reliant. It gives us the confidence to make important life decisions and this will help us achieve the balance and peace we need in our domestic and married life.”
True to her mother’s word, Neena, who is now a District Information and Public Relations Officer of Sonitpur district in Assam, is slowly finding the much-sought balance in her life. She now lives with her husband and both are settled in the same city. Neena loves baking and her husband and son are a big fan of her cooking.
The importance of forgiveness in marriage
For Chandana Baro, Manager, Marketing Communications in a global firm, her mother’s words of advice had helped her sail through any rough weather in her marriage. “The best relationship advice my mother gave me was on the day of my marriage—you are marrying as per your wish that’s fine, you are in love that is also fine but what you always need to remember is the importance of forgiveness in a marriage. Men are men, just like your father and brothers, your husband will also have his share of mistakes. So If you know how to forget and forgive you will be able to sail through any rough weather in your marriage. The first two years of staying with your husband are all about trial run basis and if you sail through it, you will be able to sail through everything.”
Don’t forget to take care of yourself
Mercy Barkakotty, a journalist turned artist, gives credit to her mother for inspiring her to take care of herself even while she is busy balancing her personal and professional life. Mercy’s mother Mridula Barkakoty believes in living life to the fullest. According to her, “Life comes once, so we should enjoy it to the fullest. People, especially women, should never compromise on their health and happiness. Do things that make you happy; wear clothes that make you feel good.” Mercy, who seems to have stopped aging since her teens, shares the words of wisdom her mother imparted: “My mother always tells me never to compromise on physical health and mental happiness. Eat your food on time, no matter how big a fight you have with your husband. Take care of your skin, your hair. Your first duty is to keep yourself happy. Only a happy and healthy wife can keep a family together. They say men are like wine but unfortunately, it’s not the same for women. So take care of yourself first. Everything else can wait.” And all thanks to her mother, Mercy has found happiness in her marriage because she has learned how to keep herself happy.
Trust between the spouses and open communication are the key elements
For Vertika Saxena Negi, a marketing and communication professional from Noida, her mother has been her mentor forever, right from tackling life problems to cooking tips. “My mother’s advice has been an essential part of my life. At the beginning of a new chapter, my mother had shared that trust between the spouses and open communication are the key elements to a successful relationship. Trusting your partner and the new family is not a norm but should be a habit. She said owing your responsibilities, and fights as well, and solving problems yourself will give you strength and sustainability. Besides this, my mother gave me a piece of advice on managing my finances. She had advised me to buy a gold coin (of any denomination) on our anniversary each year rather than gifting some luxurious gifts to each other. She had said that this will help us during the tough days, or we can preserve them for our children’s marriage. Luckily, we have been following this through all years and this has helped us during trying times and helped us for the down payment of our dream home,” said Vertika.
Never consider your marriage only as a responsibility
Lupamudra Dutta, a tech writer from Bengaluru and an artist by passion, balances her office work, hobby and her life as a loving wife with perfection. When we asked her to tell us about the best advice she received from her mother on marriage, Lupamudra smiled and said, “We all receive so many advice on marriage, especially from our mother. I have a better idea. Why don’t I tell you what advice on marriage I would give to my daughter if I have one.”
“Never consider your marriage only as a responsibility, it’s a beautiful relationship between you and the person you have chosen to share everything in life with. Be transparent, share thoughts, understand each other, praise each other’s works, be together in happiness and health, distress and need. Scold each other for your respective shortcomings, but never let the arguments to kill humour and fun. Respect each others’ past, but never let the past intervene or harm your present. Always look forward to a future and make plans together to make it beautiful,” this is the advice Lupamudra wishes to give her future daughter.
This Mother’s Day, we wish a world of happiness and peace for all mothers. Thank you for bringing us to this world.
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