Recently, the trailer of an upcoming movie named ‘Thappad’ was released. It starts with a frail-looking Taapsee Pannu, who is playing the role of the protagonist, is sitting in front of a formidable-looking woman, perhaps a lawyer. Taapsee is being served a notice by her husband to return home and the lawyer-like woman is asking her questions. “Is it the family?”, “Is he having an affair?”, “Are you having an affair?”—these questions leave no doubts in the minds of the viewers that the protagonist had left her husband and the lawyer is trying to find what prompted the wife to do so. “It’s just a slap!” the woman who was asking questions sounds amused on learning the wife had left her husband because he had hit her once. How can someone leave a husband just because of a slap? Isn’t that silly? These perhaps are the thoughts running in the mind of the person interrogating the wife. “It’s just a slap. He has no right to hit me!” the bereaved wife, played by Taapsee Pannu, replies.
The trailer doesn’t just stop at that. It shows us many glimpses of how physical violence has been normalised by society. Whether it’s a mother worried about her married daughter getting a divorce because she raised her voice against marital violence or a friend suggesting that a wife should learn to tolerate a little violence, we have heard or read about it all. When a woman wants to step out of a violent marriage, these are the words (as the trailer rightfully depicts) that she gets to hear:
” Yehi baat baki thi! Beti divorce karegi” (So, this is what we have to bear now—a daughter who is a divorcee?)
” Jaane de beta, thoda bardasht karna sikhna chahiye aurato ko” (Let it go, dear. All women should learn to tolerate a little)
” Har rishta flawed hota hain; usse jodke rakhna padta hain” (All relationships are flawed; we need to glue the broken pieces together)
“You should give him a chance. Imagine how embarrassed he already is.”
“When you are truly in love, thoda bohut maar-peet toh expression of love hi hota hain na, sir?” (When you are in love, little acts of violence are nothing but an expression of love, isn’t it?)
An abusive husband or a partner can hurt a woman at many levels—both physically and emotionally. Leaving her scarred for a lifetime. A wound can heal, but not scars. According to relationship experts, a lot of women who are in an abusive relationship are mostly in denial. A lot of time she tries to justify an act of violence. So, the first slap leads to second and then many more. And then there is no turning back. All a woman needs is a little courage and a leap of faith—not faith in the person she is married to, but faith in herself that she is strong enough to walk out of an abusive relationship or at least make the offender realise that what he is doing so. Approaching a lawyer, in case she wants to break free from that relationship, is a start. Or, taking help from an experienced counsellor to make the relationship work and get the much-needed help to her husband, can be the other option. But stay silent and tolerating such violence is what she should stop doing.
Last year, another movie named ‘Pink’ raised another important issue of consensual physical relationships and why a woman’s ‘no’ should be taken seriously. That movie showed us how flawed people’s perception of consensual physical relationship—if she dresses provocatively, she is giving an invitation for rape, if she drinks, she is fast…and whatnot. So, falling prey to such prejudices, a lot of people ignore a woman’s opinion–whether she wants to have sex or not. Her ‘NO’ or repeated pleas about her disinterest, falls into a deaf ear. And she ends up beaten up, raped and violated.
It’s true that relationship or marriage needs hard work. It’s true that most relationships are flawed. But that does not mean that a woman has to always bear the brunt. A slap is not just a slap. Any kind of physical violence, even when the man is under the influence of alcohol or otherwise, is not something to be taken lightly. Marital rape is a reality. Yes, non-consensual or forceful sex between a married couple can be counted as an act of violence. Our movies have already started changing the narratives, but how many of us are watching and taking home a lesson?
read the full story about Silence is not the answer to domestic violence!
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